Friday, April 15, 2011

Tales of a HomeGoods Habitué

*WARNING: This post is extremely wordy and slightly neurotic* 

My husband is perplexed by my devotion to HomeGoods.  For example, when I was 8 and half months pregnant with my second child, my mom, cousin, and aunt came to visit for a girl's weekend.  Once everyone arrived on Friday evening, we went out for a delectable dinner.  While dining, flurries began to swirl around in the cold January air.  The following morning we awakened to an alabaster blanket of snow hiding the landscape. The precipitation continued, therefore a modification of our plans was inevitable.  After bagels, coffee and the Today Show, we bundled up and tapped into our extensive meteorological knowledge. Determining the conditions were safe, we dusted off my SUV and set off on our HG pilgrimage.

Just as we were turning onto the highway entrance ramp, my aunt suggested that the weather looked precarious and we might consider turning around.   Casually, I replied that all was fine and our destination was less than 10 minutes away.  Before the last word could escape my month the world went blank.

Left with no choice, I merged onto the highway, which the white-out conditions made nearly impossible. Vehicles were stuck in ditches and stalled in middle of the interstate. Lane markings were invisible as were the cars surrounding me.  I shudder to think of the consequences if I had pulled onto the shoulder, rendering us a target.  I summoned all of my energy to find the courage to press on until the next exit.  That was the longest mile of my life.  

Meanwhile, my aunt and cousin gripped each others hands and closed their eyes.  The back seat was utter silence - which is a VERY bad sign in my family.  Simultaneously, my mom/co-pilot assisted with navigation by hanging out the window with a snow scrapper, as I white-knuckled it crying and screaming every 4 letter word you can imagine.  Please keep in mind that my giant 8 and a half month pregnant belly did not allow me to demonstrate the most agile of driving skills.

Once we reached the exit, I pulled the car into a parking lot and regrouped.  We thanked our lucky stars that a higher power was watching over us.  Since the forecast called for snow the remainder of the day, we made the wise decision to head home via the residential roads, not the highway.  The trip, which normally takes15 minutes took 2 and a half hours. 

What kind of crazy person risks their life, their unborn child's life and their families' lives for a HomeGoods Treasure hunt? Visions of my widowed husband and motherless child raced through my head that entire trip. Honestly, that was one of the scariest events of my life.  If you've ever been caught in a white out, you understand.

Now that we've lived through that ordeal we feel we've earned the right to tell this great tale.   Discussions of pitching this story to HG for a commercial has even been a topic of family conversation. I envision a whole commercial series based on true stories about what people will do to get to a HomeGoods location and what they do to get what they are looking for.  I'm sure a few of you have your own HG tales.  HomeGoods - if you are reading this I've got some additional tales you may be interested in...

A few of you may be thinking this girl needs to get a life - how can you go on and on and on about a discount store.  On the other hand, any of you who have experienced a "HomeGoods Happy Moment" understand. Tuesday night I had one of those moments...

Typically, I pay homage to my mecca on weekdays.  Tuesday was a long day, so after dinner I asked my husband if he would mind putting the boys to bed while I escaped for a while.  That evening, I walk into Home Goods like normal - slightly territorial and fearful that other shoppers, veterans and newbies alike, would spot a find before me.   When the automatic doors parted and I stepped over the threshold and I made the ever-so-important split-second decision, "where do I go first?"

My mother thinks it's bad luck not to follow the natural flow of the store.  I, on the other hand, typically race over to the lamps, mirrors and furniture section.  On my way  I pass a few of my other favorite aisles, so I can catch a quick glimpse just in case something stellar is on display (it's sort of sick that we have HG philosophy discussions).  As any seasoned HomeGoods shopper knows, you must follow the cardinal rule, "If thou believes there is a slight possibility that thou may want it, thou must put it in the cart immediately."

Over a month ago, my HG had 2 classic blue and white porcelain Ralph Lauren Lamps.  I must have been drugged, because I decided against purchasing one of them, even though I was looking for that type of lamp for the family room.  I have been kicking my self ever since.  Online comparable Ralph Lauren lamps range for $300 to $800.  The HG RL lamp was priced at $99.99.  Rookie mistake!!!

Fast forward to Tuesday night.  I arrived at HomeGoods and jetted over the the lighting section.  After my first lap around the store, I followed up with the 3-4 standard safeguard laps to confirm nothing was overlooked.  During my final lap I was chatting on my phone just as a vision stopped me in my tracks.  It was the very lamp I had been searching for.  I swooped it up and restrained myself from doing the happy dance.  You would have thought I just got engaged from the perma-grin on my face.


Happy Weekend!


“Joy is the feeling of grinning inside.”  ~Melba Colgrove


  1. It's a true story. I was there.

  2. Wow and Wow! 1. I am so happy you ladies survived the white out highway conditions - I think you'll need to add a new commandment to the list - Thou shall not go to HG during disaster weather conditions 2. I thought I was the only one who did multiple laps around stores like Target to make sure I didn't overlook anything! This could mean that instead of shopping we should really be in a Shoppers Anonymous group...

    I don't believe I have ever been in a HG store, but have seen the catalog which I <3 - is this even possible? Now that were finally moving to our new apt in June I will have the perfect excuse to check it out! Thanks for the HG tip and advice so that I don't make any HG rookie mistakes. I will def have to leave the hubs at home for this shopping trip ;)

  3. WE SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE! and yes, that HAD to be in all caps. I once spotted a girl in HG w/ a great starburst mirror, I walked right up to her & in all seriousness said, "So you're my competition?!" ...We're now good friends.


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